INDEPENDENT

 Suddenly, my mind just having a mental breakdown. Actually, I am so scared to be alone.. I am afraid to go out alone sometimes but what can I do when all I have is myself, right? I taught that everything is fine and I feel so happy everyday lately but... suddenly reality hit me hard. I feel like I shouldn't dream too much. Being too happy is a dangerous thing, I shouldn't be too happy. Whenever I feel happy, the next day gonna be a sad day for me. It's truth because I feel sad right now, there is a lots of thing play in my mind.. so manyy things happen right now. I dont know what should I do... The truth is I am lying to him, just because I want his attention.. I said that I am going out alone just to make he think of me, just to make he feel worried about me, concern about me.. but yeah.. the lying turn to be a bad idea.. he seems like already being okay with me going out alone. He dont know that I am so afraid to go out alone but I dont have friend to keep me company... Thats why I always going one place and stay there longer, a safe place for me to go.. I dont know but I still dont know where is the safest place to go.. Everywhere is dangerous, I always forgot where I park my car.. There is no place for me to go actually, I should learn to be independent and be more brave..  I should just stay at Johor and doesnt disturd him working.. I should just stay far away, so he can focus on himself rather than wasting time on me and keep on being tired everyday because of me. Maybe I am a burden, maybe I am the one who keep being stubborn.. Maybe I feel happy alone. Maybe he felt miserable.. 

I am wrong about everything.. I taught that I was be able to make he happy but I was so wrong about that.. I didnt know that he felt that going out with me would be the wrong thing to do.. Now that I know, I should made a plan for myself.. I also should focus on myself, do what myself should do usually.. Maybe I should focus on my studies more, so that I wouldn't think about anything.. or start playing games from now on, right? I have to start finding a friend,, or maybe I could meet my friends at JB? sounds great.. It's okay, I have a lots of time now, so I think I would try to do everything that I can do.. Push myself this week and next week for the assignment, so that would stop me from thinking. I feel peaceful after right this, I finally came into reality back. I believe the happiness would come through focusing on something.