STUPID

The closer we would get married, the more that God would should you. I just wish everything is just a dream, and I hope I can turn back time, so all of this wouldn't happen. Now that everything had already happen to this point, I can't turn back time. I don't want to be like this anymore, I feel like stupid, rubbish, dirty, worthless and more. I just feel like I made a huge mistake ever in my life and it is not supposed to happen. Just why, I trust people so fast. Just why, I let them take advantage on me after all the things that I have done. I wish that I wouldnt go through this things. I hate when I get stupid because lovin someone so much. Just why I being too kind. Just why I being like that. Today, my eyes open a lots. I start to hate myself a lots. I want to restart everything back.. I feel regret for everything. This is all my fault. I should not let myself being weak. I should not let myself trust someone so much. Because this is what I get from doing it. It hurt a lots because that person is someone that you truly truly love.. How can someone that I love did that to me. Am I seems like I am too easy? Am I seems like I'm stupid? I'm weak? How does it feel played someone heart... Does it feel good? does it feel okay? How does it feel hiding something from someone you love? How does it feel pretending? How does it feel lying to me... 

It is damn hurt so much, so so much, so so much that I feel like I want to kill myself. I hate myself so much. This things just killing me inside. Made me rethink of my decision of marrying someone that I love. Made me rethink of many things and made me fear a lots of thing. I feel like want to hide and want to be gone forever. I feel like so ashamed of myself right now. I feel like everyone in this world would say that I am the stupiest person ever. Yes, I'm stupid. That is why I trust people too much. I want to scream, I want to drowning myself, I want to go to the place that no one know. I just dont want to countinue this, I dont think I can. It just hurt me so much. I cant look the person that I love the same way that I used too. It doesnt feel the same now. Everything seems like fake, I can't trust anything anymore. I don't know what should I do. How can I deserve all of this... How can I be happy again after all of this? Just.. please leave me alone. 

No one would ever want someone like me after all that things. Because I am stupid and easy. I don't even know where is my heart now. I feel nothing inside.