SECRET

 Actually there is something that I kept in myself for this past few days. I think a lots because I am someone who scared a lots of things. I am so so afraid that I'm gonna go through the same things again. I don't know why, but my trust in that person is descreasing now, maybe because he stop showing me his effort or I am too blind to see it. One day, he promise me that he will change but the next day, he doing the same things again, then he say sorry again and again. I keep forgiving him because I just so in love with this person. He has been so kind to me and never leave me alone. He always beside me whatever happen. It just that I'm afraid that he will regret what he do one day, I dont want him to be sad or in pain. I want him to be more better than before. I want to be someone that can change him to be a better person but its not working... I feel like his effort for me doesnt feel the same nowdays, I just feel sad that our distance is quite far but if I were him, I would like to meet him everyday or whenever I miss him because I afraid that one day, I wouldnt be able to see him. I will feel tired by doing that but spending time with him could make me forget about that. If only I have a car.. I could do everything just to meet him.. I wonder if he feel the same as me..

I'm actually hoping that he would come and see me today but I think I hoping too much and that hope just dissapoint myself.. I shouldnt expect too much that he would come to see me because it far.. Far... Far.. I dont know it is excuse or.. whatever it is.. Yup, I feel quite lonely actually,, 

I think I'm selfish.. I shouldnt think about myself only, maybe thats why I didnt tell him everything because I know he would tell me everyhing that he had done for me.. yup, I know I have done nothing.. I did nothing, I just keep on make his life getting harder day by day. I dont know if I am the best one for him or not, I just... hate making other people life goes hard because of me.. I am so afraid that everyone would blaming me if anything happen to him. I scared that he also would blame me for everything happen. I am the reason why everything is happen. I am the reason why the fight always goes on. 

I cry a lots now hahahaha I taught that I have been strong enough.. Maybe it's truth that I am weak. I am the most weak human ever. I should try to be independent now, I should not made people life goes hard just because worrying about me. I have been go through this and I know I can go through this again alone. It's okay as long I can make everyone happy, right? As long I ignore all my feeling, than it doesnt matter because I'm willing to do anything just to get everything better. 

Everything is gonna be okay.