MISTAKE

 Hmmm, first of all, I just want to say that I hate myself.. I dont know why but I hate muself right now. I hate to pretend like I'm okay but I have to be okay in order to keep everything fine. If I feel not okay, it always a bad sign.. like I'm not okay and I want someone to know that I'm not okay without me teling them that I'm not okay.. I just want someone to hear what I feel right now, I need someone to just listen to what I want to say, to what I feel... 

Today, I blame myself a lots and many things has gone through my mind.. I'm so so selfish, I think only myself and I'm not patient at all. I force someone to do the things he can't do and forcing him to not be himself.. Now I know I am a very bad person and someone future gonna be worst because of me. I'm afraid that his future not gonna be happy if he stay with me.. Someone like me was a disaster actually. I want him to always be there for me, to always stay beside me, to always made me forget about everything but I forgot the fact that he was also a human like me.. He does have feelings too, just why I am a bad partner.. Someone like me doesnt really deserve happiness, someone like me is more better to live alone rather than being with someone and ended up hurt them. Just why I am so dumb, so clingy, so want an attention.. I hate myself for being myself.. I wish I can be more independent and mature enough.. so that I can understand more about people feelings.. 

I never ever taught that I'm gonna did something bad today.. Maybe because I am so mad with all his words.. I am so mad that everything he said was truth and I'm denying all of that, thats why I am bad.. I didnt mean to ignore him, I'm just so mad that this past few day, I keep feeling alone all night.. I hate that I'm lonely