FIRST TIME.

 11/7/2022, our first time and first day meeting with each other. It was so nervous that day, I think a lots of what to do when I meet him and what to wear, what to give, what to talk.. My mind was just so nervous to think about it. My heart felt like want to explode because of the taught meeting him. I was just so so so nervous, I feel like I'm gonna cry. I'm having many emotions that day, I was just so so so excited, so so so overthinking, so so so freaking nervous but I still try the best to stay calm and act like nothing big deals. I felt like that was my first time dressing up to seeing someone and I never heard people compliment me the way he is. I'm just so so so damn thankful that day, damn.. I feel like gonna cry now.. because I never felt this way before.. Never ever someone did what he did and because of that I am so damn thankful to him.. so so so happy and I CAN'T EXPLAIN HOW HAPPY I AM THAT DAY. I feel like I want to tell all people around the world about how happy I am that day. I try my best to make he feel happy, to make he feel less nervous, to make he feel comfortable around me, to make he feel less awkward around me and I glad that his okay being around me. I'm just so so worried about what he might be thinking about me because I could looks so different than online..

I still remember the excited feel when I saw my screen that he was calling me.. It was my first time hearing his voice after a long time ago. And I am so so so nervoussss when hearing his voice, it was cute to me hahaha and I keep on smacking my little sis because I am just so excited that he calling me like that, I looks like some crazy girl T.T and yup, while waiting for him, I try to calm down myself by watching people skating there, so I wouldn't think too much about it andd.... his here..

HE is infront of me with a black shirt and... he was unexpectedly tall.. I couldn't see clearly but I still can see hahaha, I just have to look more closely so I could remember every details about him. For me, he is 10000% more better, more brighter, more handsome, more good looking than my ex hahahahahhaha that's the truth. Weirdly, I didn't even feel uncomfortable eventhough this was our first time meeting with each other. I feel so so so so comfortable being around him and talking to him but I feel so worried about myself.. I'm afraid that I would look like some weird girl or crazy girl because.. I may looks different from the other girls.. I didn't know how to be femine... I just don't know how to be pretty, cute or funny.. so I might looks weird.. 

To tell the truth, I already brought him a gift because.. I feel so thankful to him but I hide that gift, my little sister help me.. and I want to write a note for him because he write a note for me, so my little sis help me to find something that I could write, and I write that note when he was far away from me haha, I didn't get to finish my ugly drawing hahahaha, I should tear that part T.T it became ugly. Whatever it is, I still want to give something special for sure, so he could keep it as our memories.

By the way, I was so damn suprised by his sudden gift for me because I really didn't expect that. I already tell him many times to not give me anything because all I want is just spending time with him. My heart feel so heavy to accept that give because I know how expensive that things are, there are no cheap price for that things, I'm a girl so I know that T.T I feel like gonna cry again.. I don't know if I deserve this treatment or not.. I feel like I'm doing nothing for him.. I'm just so so so thankful again.. I don't know why but no one ever apperciate me like this and I just don't know what to do.. I keep on thinking that until now,, because I know, I'm not kind and I'm having a mental issue that may can hurt him.. I'm just so scared that I may don't deserve this..

I just feel so so so happy.. eventhough you didn't give me any gift that day, I would feel happy too because all I want is just to see you infront of my eyes, that's all.. Just a simple things yet meaningful to me, every minute and second is precious to me.. Maybe, that was me, maybe I am a type of person that would love someone deeply and apperciate them..

Whatever it is, I just feel so thankful to him. Walking beside him make me feel safe since I couldn't see.. I'm so insecure to wear a spec because I might looks ugly, so I feel better didn't wear it.. and I also feel sorry if I make him feel bored or uncomfortable sometimes.. I try the best to spend the time that we had and I really hope that we can get to meet again, I would also try the best again to make it happen.

I feel like he gonna feel wrong if he read this.. I just feel that I need to be the best version of me, so that he didn't get hurt by me again, I don't want him to feel hurt again by me. I may not deserve this but I will try everyday to overcome it. What he did for me everyday, I really really really apperciate it. I apperciate his effort for me. I will throw what scared me, I will try to throw my trauma and I will try to overcome this again. I just want to say thank you a lots to him and I hope he knows that he make me feel soo soo soo happy everyday.

TMI, I watch our picture and video together almost everyday already hahahaha because I just can't believe that was not a dream.. I can't believe that we're finally meet :) btw, I still crying typing this , sorry T.T I just felt so happy and I wish that times can stop for a moment. I will always wish the best for him and I am always here to support whatver he do ^.^