HE CHANGED

I'm actually really sad today because I had just realize that the person that I love treat me different from usually he treat.. Suddenly, he being so cold hearted to me and he has hurt me so many times nowadays but weird right because just by looking at him, I still like it eventhough he treat me like I am nobody.. Even when we go out together, he don't look at me all the time and he just focusing on his phone or his food.. and the way he look at me like he was so damn tired. I am more tired than him actually, I am fasting and I didn't even eat in the morning till the night, I have to walk alone to the class which is quite far from my house and go back home alone too without eat anything.. but when I go back home, I still reply his message as fast as I can because received his text made my day because yeah I don't have anyone too spend time with because I don't have ummm friends.. I rarely do my work in evening or night so I always do it on morning so I taught that I should spend my rest time with him but.. umm he never called me or video call me or giving a voice message and everyday was like the same.. he will just text me like what am I doing right now and then his gone.. I am wonder if he text me because he want to take care of my heart or because his bored.. or because he does really love me.. I actually want to spend my day a lots with him because this was my last sem in this study place which is after this, I would never get to see him infront of me after that but sadly he was just so busy with himself with his friends until he start to ignore me day by day.. Even when I'm with him, I feel like invisible.. I feels more and more lonely..

And today what hurt me the most was.... I am sick and I tell him how much I am sick, but I'm getting only a bluetick or seen only.. he doesn't reply me so I decide to call him eventhough I know what going to happen since he always busy with his work.. because everytime I call him, he would be busy with his work and he doesn't really talk to me and then he just ended it.. Just like that.. wahh I just realize how boring am I, how am I not attractive at all.. I am getting hurt because I am so happy that he called me that day but then, he don't talk.. whenever I find a topic to talk, he just ended it or giving a short answer.. like he lazy to treat me... I start to realize that he does not apperciate me now.. I wonder how important am I in his life until he treat me like this.. did I deserve to be treat like this.. Am my heart was like a paper that he can tear off.. ahhh sorry because I forget to tell you about what happen today... and yeahhh I called him because he doesn't reply and after that I get scold.. he said that I don't have to called him if I am sick and then he said go take care of yourself, you already big enough to know how to take care.. and I start to cry because he doesn't care about me.. he not worried at all.. he just worried about his future, about his work.. and yeah I know enough how unimportant am I in his life..

So, we start to talk less, meet less, chat less... everything seems like tear me apart and.. I can't handle this anymore.. so I decide to spend the rest of my life with something that I like, I want to do what I like to do, I want to start think of myself more, love myself more, I want to stop think about other people, I want to get hurt less.. so I will be spending my time alone start from now.. I will not gonna cry anymore.. I want to be stronger, I want to be heartless, I want to smile, I want to be happy.. Regret comes later.. hope he realize that he just broke the trade of me and him.. by his cold hearted..