BOYS RAN OVER AFTER THE GIRL BEING PRETTY ? YES OR NO ?

Actually, there are so many boys start to tell me that they like me and it's quite weird because I am not pretty back then. One more things is... why they tell me now? it is maybe I being pretty and fashionista now? Let me tell u this one story about this boy who minunderstood about me.. He thinks that I like him from the way I treat him but I do treat people quite nice because I want to make friends so easily. I treat all people the same and nothing special about it but I getting more closed to him until one day... I start to ignore him because I want to have my own time with K-pop.. whenever I watch K-pop, it's hard for me to talk to any people because I was on my own world, even my closed friend are understand with that.. but he don't understand that so he start to ignore me as well like I made big mistake at him.. I don't like to broke a friendship with anyone, so I make up with him through WS by telling him why I being like that and then, we're good.. but after that, things is getting worse. It was because he tells me that he taught I like him.. so I tell him that I just like him as a friend and nothing more special.. I taught after telling him the truth, we will be normal but then.. he start to send a long message to our class group chat, which I really don't like that.. I really don't like to being attention by a lots of people and I really hate attention so much.. I being fobia with that since I was in my school life. After that, I start to ignore him and stay away from him eventhough I feel sad to do that.. But I don't like the way he changed towards me. He being too kind to me and suddenly he feels emotionly, and he throw all his emotion to me without knowing how I truthly feel when he did that. Day by day.. he start to make me feel uncomfortable and I can't even look into his eyes because I scared that he will do something stupid and tell everyone that I played with his heart when I actually don't do that.. Minderstood is really hard to solve u know once people start to believe with it.. I've already been through a hard school life where many people hate me when all I do is helping a people.. People keep looking down at me and since that my confident level has gone until now.. so back to our story. One day, he start to speak to me with a loud voice of him infront of our classmate and he says that he love me as a friend.. and that start to make me feel uncomfortable.. how can he did that without knowing how I will feel about this.. I know that he jealous on how other boys can make me smile but did he even know that my smile is real? or my smile is just a fake to cheer myself? he don't know that and start to make his own conclusion by saying that to all people and straight to me.. I don't want to fight and I don't want to make it worse, so I go away without any words.. But suprisedly he followed me from the back and he... touch my wrist, which is I really hate it and I really damn sensitive when a boy touch me.. Start from that moment, I start to end our friendship and cross a line.. I actually tried with it.. tried to take care of people heart.. did i have to be responsible to take care of people heart? how about my heart? did anyone ever ask? did anyone ever knew what I feel? did he ever knew? did people ever knew if I have been in pain or not? No people knew except myself.. I chew every pain to get stronger and achieve my dream and this is not something that I want it to happen.. I always lose to people when people start talking so confidently to me... I afraid to tell them the truth because I don't want to hurt their heart again. Eventhough I'm not okay to lose but as long as they happy.. I will go and be stronger again.. right.. Ever since that day, I don't talk to him, look at him, ask him or anything and I start to not wanting myself to be pretty.. I don't want to be pretty or cute.. I don't want to make anyone to fall in love with me again because it will just hurt theirself. I have a dream to achieve and get a boyfriend is not my dream. There is one thing from my dream, I want to be with someone that wait for me as long as I'm ready, someone that doesn't hurt my heart and someone that is loyal to me.. I want that someone being not only my friend, but being my precious person in my life..


I have another story... after a long time, I think it was about a year maybe.. suddenly someone that I don't love anymore start to gain his confident to start our friendship again.. He was my.. I don't like to called someone an ex so I rather called him a friend.. a friend that I had knew since I was in my primary school until now. Sometimes I feel it like a fate how we turn out to be a same school two times and now we also being in a same study place again.. He start our conversation after a long time in WS and ask how have I've been.. am I good or not now.. and yeah he ask many things but I'm really glad that we being a friend again becuz he is precious to me.. He helped me a lots and sometimes he was there when I having a hard time, so I always so thankful and grateful to him. Losing a friend like him so sudden has made me feel sad. I am just so glad that we back and being friend again but now.. if people ask how about my heart is.. hmm.. I don't feel like I love him.. I just like him as a friend now. I have already move on maybe because I start to like someone else.. I start to like someone who is really really different from other guys out there.. and yeah we rarely chat right now and I do understand that because I don't want to disturb his study.. I just will wish him for the best.. but u know what.. I afraid this one things that maybe happen. I afraid that this precious friend of mine is still love me.. or will love me again. I afraid that he will wait for me and I don't want to hurt his heart because he was a good and a kind man. He was better to be with someone better than me. I hope that he just like me as a friend and nothing more but I also afraid that I will start to like him again and not as a friend.. but I know myself, I am a loyal person and I don't give people a second chance after he hurt my heart.. so I think it's better for me to not think about this and think about my dream first because that was the most important things in my life.


Other than that, yeah there are another funny story.. (maybe) Someone unexpected just confessed his feeling to me after knowing that I am single right now and he is someone from my primary school. He said that he already like me so long time ago and he also said that he like me because I am pretty, kind, cute and whatever it is.. How many times I keep telling myself that I am not pretty.. I know that I am not pretty because I was so so so.. unpredictable.. But then, he suddenly want me to be his gf which is I don't want to have that 'couple' things.. I like to feel a love after being married.. so I really don't like that 'couple' things.. and I trust in Allah plan. I know that Allah will give me a best person and partner for my life.. One more things is that, my dream is more important than a something called 'love' ... So I tell him that I don't want to be anyone gf and rejected him but he said that he can wait for me but I already give him a warning that I don't want people to get hurt.. but he don't mind it, so I just let him be..


Last but not least... I actually have someone in my mind and I just keep it because I want to get a love from Allah first. Find the best way to get closer to Allah and be a better person, so that Allah will make him get closer to me. Insyallah one day and not today or now because I have a dream haha How many times I told that already but anyway I hope that some people can related tto me.. If there anyone that happen to have a same personality with me, I hope that you will be stronger and confident to fight people with your heart.. Don't fight people with your mind and mouth because that was not mature.. Being in silent can teach you to be mature and be patient. Just BELIEVE IN YOURSELF !