BEHIND THE MASK

So..I actually want to tell you guys something because I am someone who doesn't have many confidence. The reason why I am not confident it is because I am not pretty or beautiful, I am not friendly, I am don;t have many story to share to people and I am anti-social since I spend a lots of time at my house and rarely go out to play with my friends. I do have a friends but I don't have that many friends like everyone out there and I am only being talkative when I was with someone who close to me. Actually, I have many friends in the past but they all gone through time. Whenever I have a hard time, there are a lots of time I deal it with myself and I always run away from the problems since it can hurt me so much. In the past, I have someone that always make me smile whenever I feel sad but now.. he also gone maybe because it was the best for both of us and now I'm fine with it. Sometimes I watch K-pop or listening to the songs whenever I feel stress or sad because it can make me forget about my problems for a while. Day by day I became mature enough to understand about human around me. To me all of the human is the same and sometime there will be always the time that you have to be strong by yourself. Now, I don't have anyone that I can tell all of my story and express my feelings. Sometimes, it quiet hard for me to bear it alone. I'm always feel afraid to tell someone about my life because not many people can understand what I feel. They never understand why and it can hurt me everytime they don't understand my story. I guess it better to stay silent because it can hurt me less... and if one day, I have gone away from this world, I hope that everyone will not feel regret because I want to thank to everyone that let me be in their part of life. For those who knows me but ignore me like I didn't exist, please act like you don't know me when I'm gone and I hope everyone will forgive me for what I have done. I may can be someone that hurt their heart in their life, so I want to sorry for that. But I want to let they know that I am not a bad person but I am just someone who doesn't have any confidence to fight people back, so I always choose to be quiet not because I'm afraid but it because I have a low-esteem.. I searching something at Google recently and it said that...




'If you have low self-esteem or confidence, you may hide yourself away from social situations, stop trying new things and avoid things you find challenging. ... Living with low self-esteem can harm your mental health, leading to problems like depression and anxiety.'


Sometimes I think that I have a depression because I like to hurt myself whenever I feel stress about something because I can't let out my anger or express what I feel so I become anxiety about many things but still no people can understand me.. They think that I'm normal just because I'm smilling. For you I could pretend to be happy when inside me was broken. Yeah it's BTS-Fake Love lyrics but it has a really deep meaning for me. I'm become more common now because it has always happen to me but I am a type of person that will never forget about worst memories because whatever I do, I always remember it again.. and I hope that when I'm gone one day, my family will become more happy and stop argue about the same reason again. I hope that life will be better for them after I'm gone away and to my close friends. Thank you for make me smile and happy when I'm feel bored and thank you for not forgetting about me. Thank for letting me be a part of your life and I love you guys so much... To my family especially my mom, I love them so much than anything. I hope that my mom will never cry again and be strong in whatever she do. I will always love my mom so much because without her, I would never be who I am be right now. Thank you for raising me to be a beautiful person and keep supporting me.. You will always be my source of energy whenever I do my work and to my father, I hope that he never make my mom crying and keep loving her and treat her better as a good husband. I hope my father take care of my mother first than anyone. To my siblings, my sis and younger sister..Thanks for always help me when I have a hard time and thanks for make me feel happy too. I hope that they will keep countinue be a successful person in their life and make their parents pround of them. Last but not least, I wish that everyone can be happy eventhough I'm alive or not. I hope that they will always pray the best for me. Thank you for everything...